back from the grave

With the sickness fleeting, it's good to be back. I wandered the streets tonight, leaving the safety of my apartment at 12am to use the schools machines and to perhaps meet up with someone. Who knows.

I wish I wasn't so attracted to women. Perhaps it is because my heart yearns for someone to be there despite my knowledge that I haven't the time, means, nor interest to get involved. I just love women is all. You can only avoid it for so long.

Its exciting to know that I will hopefully be in LA in 6 months. This is going to be a hard road to travel, but I can do anything and do it better than everyone else so it shall be so.

Bitches get stitches. That's the bottom line to this day. Why some still feel they have the gall to speak to me in anyway I may find menacing is beyond me. I think it's time to slit some throats.

Mean matt is back...Let's see what he can do.

†he other side of disaster

This sickness is passing. With the aid of Nyquil, my nights have found peace. I don't believe I will be in request of its services tonight though. A healthy man never needs two crutches. Its quite easy to feel overwhelmed at this point in my life. My inability to say no to certain things has got me caught in a crossroads of far too many tasks at hand and never enough time to get everything accomplished. I will say that I did achieve many tasks today including some that I didn't think were going to be possible all in a day's work.

Filming went rather well today despite the fact that those I consider the most reliable are no match for old friends. The film should be completed on time providing I am well enough to spend some long nights in the editing room. The finished product is becoming a much talked about subject amongst my classmates. It worked. No matter how much they may despise me or habor jealous thoughts, they still need me. My plan has worked well to this point. Three and a half long years for this much awaited pay-off. Nice work Mr.Moore.

Yesterday's meeting with Mr.Lew Hunter was one of the finest moments of my life. Here, in my very presence was a man who had known Sinatra, played pool with Fred Astaire, and spoke of Alexander Paine by first name. He was truely an inspiration. I hope my life is half as eventful as that man's. Its strange that despite my arrogance and somewhat destructive confidence, I am always thinking that I could never reach such great heights of those before me. I think that is what keeps me down. The thoughts that I'll never do what they did. The thoughts that I couldn't ever reach the position that they have. I personally challenge myself: Why not? I have achieved more in the last 6 years than many people have in their entire lifetimes. I have more creativity, desire, and natural talents than almost anyone I've ever met...why do I always aim for the lows when I should be reaching for the highs? I can do anything. I will make a name for myself and be able to do whatever form I wish. Nothing can really keep me down...but me.

Matt, you can do anything. Let's test the limits of this world.

I will get everything done in do time. All of these petty school things will come to pass. I can't loose hope. Everything will get done.

Tonight, I hit the curve and leave them on the corner...the strait-away is my stage.