Here Lies Matthew Moore

"where blood and fire bring rest"

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Location: Los Angeles, California

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

...your drugs work quick

I slept soundly. I haven't slept that hard for quite some time. Sure, it was just a catnap, but it was so good. I learned an important lesson today. Nyquil nighttime tastes surpizingly similar to Yegermeister.

I feel bad about using something as potent as Nyquil to help me sleep. It does knock me out pretty well though. I must say I enjoy its benifits.

This illness couldn't have come at a more inoppurtune time. I have so much to do and so many things to get organized and together and here I sit among the omni glow of this computer screen typing words that flow so much more easily than my verbal speech patterns as of late. I will get everything accomplished however. I always do.

I hope this illness doesn't affect my meeting tomarrow with Lew Hunter. This man could possibly give me the guidance I so desperatly seek in my life. It could also turn out to be a complete waste of time, but what to do I care? What else have I to do?

This offset equilibrium created by these mind-altering cough medicines have opened the doors to my true personal sense and logic. I'm lonely. I really am. I keep telling myself to wait until I'm out of here so I can meet someone who has things together, but easier said than done. During the day, I'm fine. I tell myself that I'll meet a special girl somewhere and everything will fall together. By night, its cold, Its lonely. I desperately seek that other person to be with. To talk to.

Oh well, I'll get over it. I always do. For now, another couple of daily 'errands' to run for other people and I'm off to bed with my Nyquil.

Tomarrow is a new day. Perchance it will bring with it hope.

enter into the abyss

So I've entered the 3rd phase of a cold: Runny nose, flem encased throat, and a voice like the late Charles Everet. This is absolutely horrible. The problem is I have so many things I need to be doing and right now I'm really having a hard time thinking clearly. Whilst I was preparing a box of SpongeBob Square Pants Mac and Cheese my mind began to wonder. The sickness has finaly taken over. I am now hopped up on medications and my body is chilled. This is going to be an interesting day.

I'm terribly sick. I did sleep soundly on the couch last night however. My back does hurt a great deal, but perhaps its because the sickness is infecting my whole body.(It couldn't be the fact that my futon is a piece of shit. Pardon the language.) Back to the salt mines.

Am I really sick? Is it the medication? What is it that creates this whimsical fantasy feeling that has come over my body? Am I faking it? I honestly don't know, but I am going to enjoy the ride. Let's see if they do too.

Monday, November 29, 2004

All is quiet on the Western Front

I'm going to have to say, when you're sick morons know not to talk to you. I've enjoyed my day of silence and have kept quite to myself for the most part. This sickness is slowly giving up ground, but not enough to keep me going. I think I might retire early in hopes of getting enough rest to make it through the next day.

Its cold outside. I love it. I love breathing in the cold air. I love feeling my bones rattle in the wind. Instead of retreating from its advances I turn to face it. I embrace and challenge the cold. It makes me feel alive. Sickness or not, the cold air rejuvinates my senses and keeps me going. It shall be a good winter.

The sickness is catching

I don't know if there is anything I dread more than feeling ill. (This statement is a bold-faced lie. My list of fears is as follows: 1.Space 2. The Ocean 3. Failure 4. Any creature with more than six legs 5. Incarceration 6. Feeling ill) I tossed and turned all night and I don't really feel like I've slept a wink. Sickness is a funny thing. Its as if when your immune system goes down, all other muscles decide that they'll go on break too. I've got pain in my back and neck and I've also skipped my first class.
Sickness is the equivilant to a broken heart. The whole body shuts down and can focus on only the problem. I will admit that this illness I've inquired has taken my attention off of my desire for companionship, and focused all bodily efforts on beating this invading force of sickness.
When I'm sick I often wonder if there is a little battle going on in my body between my immune system and the illness. If so, I'd like to see it. Do you think its like cowboys in a river-bed shoot out, or like allied soldiers storming the beach of the illness? I like to think about it that way. I can't help but smile.
God...I'm sick. Can you help me?